im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Can Purell be used as lube?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
