i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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