My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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