yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
