And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
