you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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