9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
