i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
BRING THE BAGELS
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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