toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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