Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
