i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
