This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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