I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
