I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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