My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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