I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
