dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
