New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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