my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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