Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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