I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
