you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
