What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
