They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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