she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
