Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
