Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
