your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
