Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
