I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
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You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
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Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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