very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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