My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
