You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
