is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
