I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
