What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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