WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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