People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
