He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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