Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
