I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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