i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
