it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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