Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
