I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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