my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
