I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
