Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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