I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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