his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize