where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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