shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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