You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
this hospital has no fireball
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
