Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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