Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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