Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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