allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize