i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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