i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
