I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
