I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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