Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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