The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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