There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
