Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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