Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
