She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
