mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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