I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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