Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
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There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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I have already put on my inside pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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