thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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