dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
