I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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