Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
