So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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