I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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