the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize