This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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