My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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