I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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