I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A+ Viking dick
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
