New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He shit in the fireplace
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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